How this money coach spent $187,000 in one year, It’s not what you think
This is a story of transition, divorce, money, entrepreneurship, healing, getting back up on your feet, feeling like a fraud and spending money in unexpected ways.
In November of 2021, my ex-husband and I sold our property. I loved that house, but I was ready for it to be sold. Each of us walked away with about $187,000. It was a life raft and I had a clear idea of how I was going to spend it and invest it. To be perfectly honest, that was the most liquid cash I had ever had in my possession, add that to the fact I was a money coach, the pressure was real to spend that money “right” and “responsibly”.
The plan:
Create a robust emergency fund
Put some as a down payment for another property
Move some into retirement/investments
Travel a bit
Sounds pretty basic and doable right?
Yeah…well…let’s just say, it didn’t shake out like that.
Before I could even really get started on my badass money moves, someone came to visit.
Oh, “Hello, shopping addiction, my old friend”
Five years ago, I began my money coaching business. I found myself in the money space because in my 20’s I was a disaster with mine. I had $30,000 of credit card debt by the time I was 23, lived in NYC, barely made $30k a year and drank grande mocha frappuccinos like they were free…and also not laden with sugar. Woof. I ate lunch at Banana Republic and took the Express train…weekly, sometimes daily. I had a serious shopping problem. At the time, I didn’t realize it was just a coping mechanism and a distraction from me learning how to regulate my emotions and actually deal with hard #life stuff.
But I did have a come to Jesus moment and paid off that debt, but it wasn’t until 5 years later when I gave up shopping for a year that I really began my transformation. I shifted so many of my emotional and spending habits. That year connected the dots between my emotions, habits, behaviors and my money. It was more powerful than paying off my debt. I realized I just spent more as I made more and even though I wasn’t carrying debt, I wasn’t really making my money work for me. I wasn’t shopping because I really wanted that blouse, I was shopping because I was unhappy, overworked, and sad to name a few. Ah, it wasn’t about the money. And as freeing as that sounds, I also quickly recognized peeling back that onion was going to 100 percent induce tears…often. But, I was committed and I did the work to identify all the sticky stuff around my money and unveil just how I participated in the results with my money. Although hard, it was like dropping 100lb of weight with each layer. It felt good. And I was fully prepared that it would be one and done.
Heal the broken bone and it can never break again…right?
Oh, I wish.
Going through a divorce triggered all of those old wounds again. And, I was actually shocked that 11ish years later from really changing my mindset and behaviors with my money…that I was back on this particular struggle bus. I’m not sure I can express how strong the urges were to just YOLO every day and bury my feelings in shopping sprees, fancy dinners, extravagant gifts and a shit ton of things I didn’t need at Target.
I felt like a fraud.
How can I be a money coach and feel these urges?
How can I coach my Betties to success when I’m back struggling with the same things they are?
How can I teach about keeping a positive mindset around your net worth when my just tanked to and I am NOT okay with it?
I was embarrassed.
I was ashamed.
And honestly, it wasn’t just about the money. I felt like a failure because my marriage ended after almost 15 years. That was a whole other onion, but in short…I really questioned if I could be in this space as a coach.
But, I’m not really one to give up and so I dove into what I know: learning and solving. And I went even deeper into the neuroscience to understand:
WHY was this old identity popping up?
Why was I feeling stuck?
Why was I in such a lack mentality with $187k in the bank?
In this process I found deeper roots of healing in my money stories and trauma. Oof. They weren’t pretty.
Healing isn’t.
But it allowed me to look at how I DID spend the money and have appreciation for it. Because, in reality, although I FELT like shopping A LOT, I didn’t. Yet, I associated my urge with having undone YEARS of work. I was doing to myself what so many of my Betties do to themselves - ignoring the progress.
Okay, then…so, how DID I spend the money?
Here’s what really happened:
Paid off almost $50k of credit card debt. No, this wasn't a shop til you drop debt. Actually, I think that might have been easier to navigate. That was familiar. This was debt because I didn’t really speak up and ask for help. That meant, I was bearing a lot of the finances, which…I actually couldn’t bear and so all of it went on credit cards. I was mad at myself for not setting a boundary and practicing what I preached, but I had to remind myself that I did the best I could.
Used $10k to move…twice. It was hard to go from being a homeowner to a renter. Even though I don’t believe you HAVE to own, it’s like I heard every money coach in my ear telling me how irresponsible I was. On top of that, at 41, it was the FIRST TIME I had ever lived by myself. What the!? Something I had never really thought about before. There was so much freedom and also so much loneliness. And those two together were stirring the shopping urge pot, ALL.THE.TIME. It was hard to not buy all the new things to feel better. I did allow myself some new stuff, like a bed, but had to really keep a check on it. I felt like I was on a slippery slope.
Invested $30k in my business. I would love to say that during divorce my business was a beautiful escape but the reality - I had to fight hard to keep myself present in my life and that meant, sometimes just celebrating that I got out of bed and wasn’t eat, pray, loving (new verb!) on my kitchen floor (ya’ll know what I mean). I struggled to just show up. And that meant, I shifted into doing the minimum for my business. After two years of that, The School of Betty needed some TLC and I needed money to do it.
Put $10k into my Roth IRA. I maxed out 2021 and fully funded 2022. I had hopes and visions of dropping a serious chunk of money into other investments but it felt scary. Honestly, that $10k was scary. I was quickly seeing $187,000 dwindle which just continued to stir up feelings of fear and lack.
Spent $30k to travel. So, I didn’t eat, pray love to Italy, but I did to Africa. I booked a bougie trip to Tanzania with a group of individuals I didn’t know. That trip cost me $15k after all was said and done. I’d never spent that much on a trip and I’d never traveled that far alone. All of it felt scary, but I also had this feeling that I needed to do something WAY out of my comfort zone to jumpstart my healing. I used the rest of the $15k on a trip to Hawaii, three trips to Mexico, a trip to South Carolina, the beach in Georgia and a trip to Italy. I can guarantee people will have opinions about this one. But you know what? Those trips, along with therapy, my friends and coaches, and lots of walks…they helped me heal my soul. Travel helped get me to a place of feeling whole again and not broken.
And as of today - $47k to live off of. THIS was the one I didn’t see coming. After two years of not showing up in my business like I used to and doing the minimum effort, my revenue took a plunge. All of a sudden, my business was bringing it what it was 5 years ago and my living expenses looked really different. This was the hardest one to navigate. Seeing that nest egg slowly go down and realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to invest more or have money for a downpayment. I still work each day to give myself grace and remind myself that I had the money to take care of myself.
If I was looking at this list for a student, I wouldn't have the feelings I’ve had for myself. As a coach, this list looks like someone who needed a bit of escape, made some retirement moves and ultimately, needed an emergency fund to get back on their feet.
Even typing that, makes my heart feel calmer.
It’s been exhausting to go back through all of these money lessons but I do know they weren’t without growth. I’ve learned a lot in the last two years and the understanding I have around money healing just hit a whole new depth that I wasn’t aware was possible. Because let’s be honest….If I knew it was possible I wouldn't have wanted to do it! Healing is messy y’all.
So, based on what I experienced and what I went through, would I do things differently?
No. I really wouldn’t.
I mean, I didn't love my plan not working out but I could have spiraled down a serious shopping path of avoidance and I didn’t.
With that said, I would have shifted some of my habits in the process.
I would have recognized my habit of not showing up sooner. I continued to use “healing” as an excuse to not show up in my business when in reality, I had created some serious habits that didn’t serve me or my business. Just like we can create habits of productivity, we can create habits that keep us far from it.
I’m not gonna lie, I still battle with the feeling that I’m a money coach and I just spent a lot of money. But then I simply have to remind myself that I got to invest in MYSELF for a year. We can be so focused on investing on things outside of ourselves and for our future selves that we can forget that sometimes we need to use our resources for us, where we are now. I know a lot of money coaches would probably disagree with that, but…I don’t care. And the reason I don’t care is because I know, the healing and the transformation I went through over the past two years, is exactly the reason why I’ll have a multi-seven figure business. You can’t teach what you don’t know (I mean, you can but I call that being out of integrity..IMO).
I’ve poured all of this learning and growth into the Transformational Money Healer Certification. In fact, it’s so different from the first round that ran last year, I’ve invited all of those students BACK, for free, to go experience the program again if they’d like.
This 5 month journey will not only take you to a deeper healing with your money, but I’ll teach you how to do it for others. Money, time and energy are never out of the equation. They are here, every day and part of every decision. Knowing how to remove those blocks and heal them for transformation, that’s a game changer.
How far do you want to take your clients and how far are you willing to go? I’ve been preparing for you over the last 2 years. And, beautiful soul, I am READY.
