This Fear Is Influencing Your Money Game
Managing your money will actually have very little to do with...your money. Believe it or not, if you want to transform your money game, you have to start looking beyond the physical currency and start investigating your emotions and triggers in your daily life. This particular trigger I’ll talk about today, can wreak havoc on your money game if you aren’t careful. So I’m going to share with you some simple ways to avoid this money mayhem.
It’s no secret that as we are growing up, we slowly learn “acceptable” behaviors. Yes, some of these we need like, don’t throw your food at the wall in a restaurant (can you imagine!?). And, use toilet paper. Gosh, I know...I freakin’ went there. But, I want you to really understand that not all of those learned behaviors are “bad”.
But as we keep progressing and growing up, we start to learn some other behaviors that aren’t really there for us to function as an adult in society, but are there to help us “fit in”.
So what’s the big deal?
There is a fine line between these behaviors that help you navigate life and you dimming your light and not showing up as YOU. Fully YOU. judgment
At the root of this, we adjust because we are fearful of judgment. At some point you’ve probably experienced an action having an unsavory response and you decided you’d pack that away and not do that again. Example: maybe you spoke your mind in a meeting and were told not to do that again. So you start flowing through your life checking your volume and not speaking your mind.
So how does this impact your money?
When we do this over and over, we start to create habits around this behavior. And what I mean by behavior is - adjusting YOUR behavior in order to get the RESPONSE that feels easier and is not laden with judgment.
What does this look like:
Ordering the expensive bottle of wine because you don’t want the waiter to think you are cheap.
Buying the expensive gift for your friend’s wedding because you don’t want to let on that you are in a financial pickle.
Saying yes to that weekend with your friends to keep up with your crew even though it’s going to max out your credit card and be stressful afterwards.
All of these actions are in the spirit of avoiding judgment.
And today my friend, you get to kick that to the curb and step into the driver’s seat of your money. I mean, money never even got its driver’s license, Boo!
Now to do this, it’s going to require some shifts on your end.
You need to not give a flying eff what someone thinks of you. This can be a hard task friend. I get it, but I know you can do it.
You will need to feel confident in your decision. What that means - you know when you can say yes and when you need to say no.
You need to know what you want and your values for your life otherwise, you’re going to borrow everyone else’s around you and on the instagrams (I love to add an extra ‘s’ to words...it reminds me of my Granny Betty when she used to call it Barnes & Nobles!)
So, now that we know this - let’s talk about some simple actions that will get us moving in the right direction.
Get confident in your decisions:
A lot of our stress around money can be in the not knowing. And when you don’t know what you can say yes to. You start making decisions that don’t feel good. You need to have a money flow friend. AKA a budget. What that really means is you know what is coming in and what is going out. You KNOW how much your lifestyle costs and if you can afford it. A budget is NOT about restricting and living the cheap life. Nope. Let me repeat that: A budget is NOT about restricting. A budget is a money flow. It helps you see what you have and know what you can move when you need to. So when your friends say they are doing a weekend getaway, you can look at the cost and decide what you can, and/or are willing to move in order to make it happen. Get in the know so you can make confident decisions. Lean into creating a money flow friend. (psssss. Get started with Breaking Up With Broke friend. It’s my student’s favorite expense tracker and budget builder)
Know what is important to you:
In this age of vision boards and positive thinking, this can sometimes get an eye roll, but I’mma keep preaching it because it is SUPER important. You must know what your values are for your life. Is it travel? Friendships? Learning? Joy? Take the time to actually sit down and figure it out. Why? Because it is the BEST filter for your spending habits. If one of your values is enjoying small luxuries - saying yes to that dinner experience will be in alignment for you. Saying yes because you feel guilty most likely won’t. And when we aren’t spending in alignment, we allow lots of guilt to creep in and frankly, that doesn’t feel good. Money likes to be circulated. And we have to circulate it! So when we do, let’s make sure it feels good energetically. Identify 3-5 values for your life and you will be surprised how much flow you start to feel.
Say bye to what others think:
Listen (no, really...listen to this sweet soul), when others place judgment on you or give a response that doesn’t feel great - remember, it isn’t about you. This shows up a lot when my Betties decide to create their own business or state a goal like, “I’m going to travel in a van for a year!” and their community around them will inevitably be peppered with, “Oh, that sounds risky!” “You know most businesses fail right?” …When you start living your truth or creating boundaries, it will be harder for those around you. You might be triggering something for them. When you say, “I’m sticking to my money flow this month so I’ll meet ya’ll for appetizers.” - that might bring up for someone their lack of a money flow. First and foremost, you have to take care of yourself. It’s never worth it to put yourself at a financial risk because you are afraid of what others will think of you. YOU always know what is best for you. Stand strong. So when you get a response, listen and remind yourself “that’s theirs, it’s not mine.”
