Curiosity Didn't Kill The Cat, It Set Me Free
Confession: I used to be really good at avoiding my feelings by way of being a workaholic or giving myself some crazy physical goal like doing a CrossFit competition or running a full marathon...usually things that required hours of training and a regimented lifestyle.
At the time, I used to say, “But I’m just really passionate about these things!”
That wasn’t entirely untrue.
I’ve been fortunate that I have always loved my jobs and had a passion for what I did, so work never felt really like “work”. I’m also incredibly goal driven and so I LOVE challenging myself. At the time, if the goal seemed scary and I couldn’t imagine ever being able to do it...I was in!
All of this might not sound too bad, right? It’s good to have a goal!
But here’s the thing; I couldn’t seem to just enjoy ‘being’.
You know...not having a goal, not working really hard. I never stopped and smelled the roses unless I needed them for an event I was planning. And in this go-go mentality, I had done a really great job of putting up a super strong shell around me.
In short...I felt numb. (If you haven’t watched this video from Brene Brown on vulnerability..do yourself a favor)
And I’m not gonna lie...that shell has been one of the hardest things to crack.
AND… it has been a very humbling experience to know I, and I alone, was the one who built it. UGH.
I’ve had a few times in the past year where I would simply break down sobbing catching my husband completely off-guard and frankly...it was concerning...for both of us.
I was the strong one. I took care of everything. What’s with all of the emotion? My words, not his.
I felt like I was falling apart
And I was, but in the best way possible. My shell was falling apart.
My friend, if you haven’t cried like you did when you were 7 years old and you were just told you couldn’t go to a skating party...you haven’t been living as an adult because it feels amazing.
I used to apologize for my feelings and now I embrace them. I no longer say, “sorry” the minute tears start to run down my face. Instead, I feel grateful that I’m able to cry and I become curious.
And now my goals are truly because the process will bring be great joy and not because I need to prove something.
Your emotions are incredible indicators of things that are IMPORTANT to you!
And newsflash, you don’t have to have a reason for the emotion. I now often find myself saying, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I guess I needed to cry” - and that’s okay.
WHAT IS MY POINT!?
I can’t tell you if you are using goals to avoid other areas of your life or that you are burying your emotions. That is for you to figure out.
I will tell you, to adopt curiosity in your life.
When things aren’t going the way you had hoped, when you are upset, when you feel numb...curiosity removes the judgement and allows you to feel and get to know yourself on a deeper level (PRO TIP: Use this for your money too my friend.).
Have a kickass day!
Livin’ & Lovin’